The Travesty of Love
by OceanTempest
Summary: One life, one love, and a connection so pure she believed it could never be broken. Abandoned by the one she loved, Rinoa Heartilly has experienced heartache unlike any other. Now, two years later, she must recall her memories if she wants to love again.
1. One Love

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~The Travesty of Love~

Dreams fade, but memories remain, untouched by life's cruel path. Rinoa Heartilly knew this- she had once lived a dream that now sustained only in her memories. At seventeen, scared and uncertain, she had embraced love when it came to her. Opening her heart, her mind, and her soul, she has known how it felt to truly love someone. 

But Squall Leonhart had remained closed to her, trapped within the walls he had built around himself to prevent anyone from getting in… getting too close. Rinoa knew that they had had something at one time- a connection so profoundly deep, and so true, that she had believed it could never be broken. 

But it had indeed broken, dispersed on the wind as quickly as it had come. When Squall inexplicably left Balamb Garden after the defeat of Ultimecia and their passionate kiss on the balcony, Rinoa was bewildered and more than a little hurt. They had grown so close- or so she believed.

The morning she heard the new that Squall had left Garden, it had taken all of her willpower to remain stoic in front of Zell Dincht, who had delivered the devastating news. She vaguely recalled Zell saying "Don't worry, Rin, we'll find him" before she bid him farewell, bursting into tears once she was alone.

She had cried for herself, she had cried for Squall… but most of all, she cried for the connection between them that was now lost. How could he have deserted her? She was seventeen, and already abandoned by the one she loved. 

The anguish and pain had never left Rinoa, even now, two years later. As soon as Headmaster Cid discovered Squall's departure from Garden, he had dispatched droves of SeeD's to search for the missing Commander. But you cannot find one who does not want to be found- and true to Squall's character, Garden was unable to locate him. 

Two years passed, and Rinoa was now nineteen. The search for Squall had continued unabated for eleven months, but Rinoa knew it would inevitably come to an end. Offered a permanent home at Balamb Garden, Rinoa had reluctantly accepted, not sure if she wanted to be surrounded by memories of Squall every day. But her friends were there… and by living at Garden, she would be able to dodge Caraway's relentless questioning.

Now, at nineteen, Rinoa Heartilly was a full-fledged member of SeeD. Surrounded by official SeeD business daily, she had slowly been able to push thoughts of Squall to the back of her mind. Her love for the Commander would never die, but Rinoa refused to remain a prisoner of her remorseful memories. Little did she know that what awaited her would require her to draw upon her memories… if she ever had hope of finding love again.


	2. Truth

"Rinoa! Rin-rin, wake up! Headmaster Cid wants to see you in his office A.S.A.P!" the cheerful voice of Selphie Tilmitt woke Rinoa from her deep sleep, where she lay fully-clothed from last nights reminiscences.

Groggily, in a sleep choked voice, Rinoa spat out, "What TIME is it, Selphie? Don't you know people need their rest?"

"Tee-hee! Rinoa, it's nearly ten o'clock! Now, get up, Headmaster Cid wants to see all of us in his office NOW!"

Slowly becoming more awake as the minutes progressed, Rinoa came to the realization that all of her friends were standing in her bedroom. Irvine and Zell were by the door, along with Quistis. Selphie, of course, was hovering over Rinoa's bed, her dark eyes peering at Rinoa expectantly.

"Alright, I'm up, I'm up!" Yawning, she stretched her arms out, suddenly realizing she was fully clothed.

"Rinny… you were thinking about Squall again last night, weren't you?" Selphie's clear eyes gazed softly at her as she took in Rinoa's appearance.

Rinoa's breath caught in her throat at the mention of Squall, as she tried valiantly to hold back the tears threatening to overflow.

"No, Selphie… I- I was reading late last night, and must have just fallen asleep in the middle of my novel."

The lie rolled easily from her lips- lying came first rate to her now that Squall was gone. It had been two years… two years of tortured anguish that all but killed her. She has thought that she was making progress, moving on with her life and her memories. But if last night was any indication, Rinoa was just as heartbroken as the morning she had discovered Squall's absence.

Trying to make light of the tense situation, Selphie grasped Rinoa's hand and pulled her off the bed.

"Well, at least you don't need to get ready! Come on, let's go!"

Giggling, Selphie dragged Rinoa out of the room. The remaining friends were puzzled, pondering the meaning behind the quiet exchange between the two friends.

"You guys… I think Rinoa was thinking about Squall again," Quistis said, worriedly tugging on a strand of her long blond hair.

The group was silent as they let the information sink in.

"Well, that would explain why she was still in her clothes this morning." Zell replied, pacing slowly back and forth across the worn beige carpet. Having moved to the corner of Rinoa's bedroom, Irvine sat, worriedly looking out the picture window at the ground below.

"Irvine… is something wrong? You look distracted, like something is on your mind." Quistis asked, walking over to where Irvine sat. Placing a friendly hand on his shoulder, she said, "Do you need to talk about something? Something important?" 

Turning to face the rest of the group, Irvine placed his head in his hands. Regaining his composure, he looked around at the worried faces of his friends, and said something that they never believed they would have ever heard again.

"Quistis… Zell. I know where Squall is."


	3. Revelations

"So… you WERE thinking about Squall last night, weren't you Rinoa?" Selphie was so genuinely concerned that Rinoa found it hard to keep the tears from spilling down her cheeks. She was truly a best friend, in the deepest sense of the term. 

"Ah, Selphie, what would I do without you?" Wiping the tears that had silently escaped their confinement, she whispered "Yes, Selphie. I- I was thinking about Squall last night. I thought I was over him, I thought I was moving on… but I was wrong."

A worried frown crossed Selphie's pretty face as she glanced at her friend. "You know… Rinny… it's been two years. Two years of tormented misery brought on by Squall's sudden departure. I know you love him, and you always will. And that's okay! But Rinoa… you have to move on. Let him go. He's gone, Rin… and I don't think he's ever coming back."

At first, shock registered on Rinoa's face, to hear what she had known all along put so bluntly. Then, anger became apparent as Rinoa's features distorted into one of pure rage. Finally, her face softened into one of knowing sadness, as Selphie's words rang true in her mind.

"You're right, Selphie. My mind understands the truth in what you just said, but my heart… my heart doesn't. I love Squall. I have always loved him, since the first time we met in Timber. He didn't know it then, not at first. But I knew then, and have always known, that we are meant to be together." Tears coursed down her face as she spoke of Squall, her voice catching at the mention of her love for him. "Oh, Selphie I want him back!"

Rinoa threw herself into Selphie's arms, sobs racking her fragile body. Selphie's own tears began to flow now, seeing how truly hurt Rinoa still was over Squall's abandonment.

"Aww, sweetie, I'm so sorry! I shouldn't have said what I did; I just hate seeing you hurt over him! It's just not right."

Rinoa's sobs slowly petered off as she allowed herself to be comforted by Selphie's genuine concern for her. She felt foolish for allowing herself these tears, crying over a man that she knew she could never have again. So many tears had been cried for Squall, she was surprised there were any left in her.

Drying her eyes, slowly regaining her composure, she pulled out of Selphie's comforting embrace. "I'm alright, Selphie. Really… didn't Headmaster Cid want to see us? We really should get over there."

Rinoa's sudden turn about of emotions startled Selphie for a moment, and the dead expression on her face worried Selphie immensely. Just minutes before, Rinoa had been utterly sobbing as if her heart had shattered into one million fragments of grief, but now you would never have been able to tell.

"Rinoa, are you sure you're okay? I mean, just a minute ago, you were-" her voice was abruptly cut off in mid-sentence by Rinoa's shrill tone.

"I'm FINE, Selphie. Really, you have nothing to worry about. Squall is my problem, and only mine… and that's the way it should be. I'm sorry to have put you in the middle of this. You were right, I need to get over Squall, and I need to sto- stop loving him. That's the only way I'll ever get past this. The only way."

With those final words, Rinoa took off down the corridor, heading for the elevator which lead to the Headmaster's third floor office, only accessible with express permission from Cid himself. Her silky black hair caught the reflection of the fluorescent lights scattered about Garden, as she turned and beckoned Selphie to the waiting elevator.

As Selphie walked towards her waiting friend, she made a promise to herself- one that she knew she had to follow through on. For the sake of Rinoa's fragile emotional state, she knew what she had to do.

"I will find Squall- if it's the last thing that I do."


	4. Contradictions

The group stood dumbfounded by the words that had just escaped Irvine's lips. Squall… found? How was it possible, after two years? Most importantly, how had Irvine come across this knowledge?

"WHAT!?!?! What do you mean, you know where Squall is? How long have you known, Irvine? HUH? How long have you kept this from the rest of us!" A furious Zell stormed across the room, ready to strike Irvine.

"ZELL! Stop that, right now! Do you want information, or do you want to kill Irvine!" The irritated voice of Quistis was able to break into Zell's mind, and he sheepishly stepped away from Irvine.

"Sorry, man. I just am in a state of shock right now." Zell shakily raked a hand through his spiked blond hair, biting his lower lip uneasily. Irvine, unfazed by the near-attack by Zell, shook his head dejectedly.

"Believe me, Zell… I know the feeling. How do you think I felt, seeing Squall, knowing that he had been gone for two years without a single letter, a single call… a single anything? Mere shock is not the word to describe what I was feeling when I saw him, I can tell you that."

Frowning worriedly, Quistis interjected, saying, "Well, where DID you see him, Irvine? Are you sure it was him? I mean… two years is a long time to be missing, and well, maybe you just THOUGHT you saw him-"

Irvine quickly cut her off, "NO Quistis! It was Squall, I know it was. Two years may have passed, but that doesn't mean my sight has gone away with it! His hair is longer, he's gotten more muscular… but it was him all the same. I know it beyond a shadow of a doubt." Irvine stood up from his place against the wall, and made a circle around the small dorm room. "It was him, you guys. I saw Squall Leonhart."

"That's great, Irvine, just WONDERFUL- but where did you see him? That's the million-dollar question. Where did you see Squall?" Zell's agitation was clear in his voice and mannerisms as he paced back and forth between the window and Quistis. 

Irvine reluctantly stopped circling the room, and came to rest in front of the window. Turning to face his inquisitive friends, a frown crossed his face as he recalled seeing Squall for the first time in two years. 

"I had left Balamb Garden on official SeeD business, you see." Irvine began hesitantly, choking a bit on his words. "It was about three weeks ago… three long weeks that I will never forget." Irvine paused, as if contemplating his next words. Unsure of how to continue, he closed his eyes, taking a deep breath.

Quistis and Zell stood captivated, wanting to know what he was going to say, but at the same time, unsure if they were ready for such knowledge. The silence in the room was thick, and it was all Quistis herself could do to keep from urging Irvine to finish his story.

Quickly opening his eyes, he gazed at them with one of sudden clarity. It was as if a light bulb had turned on inside his head, and he suddenly remembered something of utter importance. Looking saddened, but at the same time determined, he spoke.

"I'm sorry, guys… but I can't tell you where Squall is."


	5. Mystery

The wheels of fate were turning; he could feel it as he stood atop the granite cliff, the wind blowing steadily through his ruffled hair. He closed his eyes, letting the cool wind cleanse him of all his worries. This was what he had wanted; this utter sense of freedom from all responsibilities; the carefree whimsy with which he had been unable to live his life by… until now.

The time had come where it was no longer an option to just live life one day at a time. He needed a plan now; another path had opened up, and he dreaded what lay beyond. He needed time to think, to plan out his course of action. He feared, however, that it was too late.

It had been two years; two years that he had both loved and hated. He had loved them because it had allowed him the freedom of not worrying about other people's problems. The past two years had been an adventure for him, a turning point in his life that he would never have been able to reach had he not left. At the same time, a vile black hatred of the previous years had entered his mind. 

He had left his home, all because of what? The fear of committing… of being responsible for someone else's hopes and fears? Or was there an underlying reason, one he was unable or unwilling to acknowledge? Everything was so confusing; he didn't know where to go, or who to turn too. If only he had all the answers, everything would be that much simpler.

Turning from the cliff, he walked a little ways until he came to an old oak tree. Resting his hand upon it, he turned to gaze at the magnificent ocean as he watched the sunset, a fiery orange glaze against the blue canvas of the sky. He sighed wistfully; and **her** face came into his mind.

He was startled at first; his thoughts of her had been fleeting the last two years, but now they emerged full-force, assailing his senses. He remembered her eyes, her lips, and her silken black hair. He remembered the cute way she would crinkle her nose when she found something amusing; he remembered the way she kissed him.

"NO!" he shouted to the solitude, slamming his fists against the trunk of the aging tree to punctuate his statement. "I will NOT think of her, I will not, I will not!"

His throat closed up in an effort not to spill any tears that threatened to fall, and he hung his head in shame. Why had the memories returned now? Why, after two years, did he think of her? Of everything? It wasn't supposed to be like this. He was supposed to live his life in perfect solitude, only needing to deal with his problems and his alone. Somehow, though, he knew that he couldn't continue living his life that way. 

Sighing deeply, his mind racing, he turned away from the tree and walked into the orphanage.


	6. Oddities

"YOU CAN'T TELL US WHERE SQUALL IS? What do you mean, you can't tell us? You finally confess this hidden knowledge you've been burdened with for the past three weeks, and now you don't even finish your story?" Furious, Zell strode across the small dorm, and grabbed Irvine by the collar. Despite the good six inches or so Irvine had on Zell, he seemed unafraid to confront the gunman. His face burned a crimson red as he let the rage build up inside him ten-fold.

"You guys, cut it out!" The irritated voice of Quistis called shrilly. "I mean it, cut it OUT!" Her agitation was evident in her clear eyes as she glared murderously at the two grappling men standing before her. Irvine causally pushed Zell's hands away from his collar, and Zell backed away, taking a defensive position against the whitewashed dormitory wall. 

"Man, you should have just let me finish Zell." Irvine said, crossing his arms across his broad chest. "I can't tell you where Squall is because he's not living where I saw him!" Quistis and Zell just looked at him, confused. Sighing heavily, Irvine took a seat on the twin bed against the wall adjacent from where Zell stood, and proceeded to finish his story. 

"Honestly, do you two really think I would intentionally keep this information from you?" Irvine's perplexed frown softened Zell's angered expression, and he beckoned him to continue. "Look, I can't tell you where Squall is because… well, because he isn't where I saw him anymore." Looking at his two companions, Irvine waited expectantly for their reaction. 

"I'm confused, Irvine." Quistis began, biting worriedly on her lower lip. "What do you mean, Squall isn't in the same place now as when you saw him? How do you know? And furthermore, why don't you just tell us where you saw him?" Glancing over to where Zell stood nonchalantly against the plaster wall, he nodded his approval.

"Well, as I told you, I saw Squall when I was assigned to visit Esthar on official SeeD business." He cleared his throat, then began again. "Now, I know what you're both thinking; how come neither of you knew about this "SeeD Business?" Quistis and Zell both nodded, agreeing that they were a bit perplexed as to why they didn't know about the SeeD assignment three weeks earlier. "Well… okay, this is going to take a lot of explaining. Maybe we should talk to Headmaster Cid about it together? Since, you know, we have to go to his office anyway."

"Oh no you don't Irvine! You're not getting out of this that easily, and besides, I don't see what Headmaster Cid has to do with any of this anyway, unless-" Quistis broke off, a sudden realization dawning in her eyes. "Oh my god… Headmaster Cid knew where Squall was all along didn't he? And he sent you to "check up" on him, because he figured you were the least emotionally involved!" 

"What?! That's impossible, I mean, how could the Headmaster know for TWO YEARS where Squall was, but not let anyone else know?" Zell cried out agitatedly, his face burning with suppressed anger. 

"Calm down Zell… you always have had a temper problem. Now listen, Quistis, you're partly right- the Headmaster did know where Squall was, but not for the entire past two years. He found out about one week before he asked me to go on assignment to Esthar in search of Squall." Shoving his hands in the pockets of his tan trench coat, Irvine stood up from his place on the twin bed, and made his way over to the far wall where Zell was standing.

"And you're right about something else, too… Headmaster Cid did figure that I was the least emotionally involved. And maybe he was right in assuming that; I mean, compared to all of you, I've known Squall for a shorter period of time than any of you have. But… remember, we did all grow up in the orphanage together, and though Squall doesn't remember me being there; well, I still can't shake the bond I felt with him; with all of you." As she gazed at Irvine, she could tell that he was very reluctantly revealing emotion; emotion he would never have revealed by choice. _A sniper's life must be lonely _she thought to herself, remembering the way he had froze in that long ago mission to assassinate the sorceress. 

Even Zell seemed less angry, now that he was hearing the story from the gunman's lips. "So, Irvine, you're saying that the Headmaster sent you to Esthar to search for Squall? How did he know where Squall was though?"

"Well, Zell, that's the weird part… Laguna told him."


End file.
